Wife / Marriage

[Rosso]

 

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.​

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David Copperfield​

 
 

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.​

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Sasha Guitry​

 
 

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.​

If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates​

 
 

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.​

Zuma​

 
 

The great question, which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"​

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Dumas​

 
 

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.​

Sigmund Freud​

 
 

'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays'​

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Red Skelton​

 
 

'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'​

Sam Kinison​

 
 

'I've had bad luck with both my wives
The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'​

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James Holt McGavra​

 
 

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming.
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.​

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Patrick Murray​

 
 

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...​

Nash​

 
 

You know what I did before I married?
Anything I wanted to.​

Naas Botha​

 
 

My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met.​

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Henny Youngman​

 
 

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.​

Rodney Dangerfield​

 
 

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'​

Pik Botha​

 
 


 

First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy : 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'​

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The Guy next door​

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[FreeShot]

 

[Bebo]

Even though Bernard Manning is long gone, it's good to see his sense of humour lingers on.