Jim Wheeler
Well-known member
- Joined
- Jan 11, 2014
- Messages
- 904
to complement Rosso's jokes on a wet monday;;;;;
Puns Galore!
1 A bicycle can’t stand alone – it is two tired.
2 A Will is a dead giveaway.
3 Time flies like an arrow – fruit flies like a banana.
4 A backward poet writes inverse.
5 In a democracy it’s your vote that counts – in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
6 A chicken crossing the road – poultry in motion.
7 If you don’t pay your exorcist – you can get repossessed.
8 With her marriage she got a new name and a dress,
9 Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
10 When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
11 The man who fell on the upholstery machine was fully recovered.
12 A grenade which fell on to a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
13 You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
14 Local Area Networtk in Australia – the LAN down under.
15 He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
16 A calendar’s days are numbered.
17 A lot of money is tainted – ‘taint yours and ‘taint mine.
18 A boiled egg is hard to beat.
19 He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
20 A plateau is a high form of flattery.
21 The short fortune teller who escaped from prison – a small medium at large.
22 Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
23 When you’ve seen one shopping centre you’ve seen a mall.
24 If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
25 When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she’d dye.
26 Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
27 Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
28 Acupuncture – a jab well done.
29 Marathon runners with bad shows suffer the agony of de feet.
30 The roundest knight at King Arthur’s table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
31 I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan Iskand, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
32 She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
33 A rubber band pistol was confiscatedfrom an algebra class because it was a weapon of math destruction.
34 The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
35 No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.
36 A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
37 Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
38 A hole has been found in a nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
39 Atheism is a non prophet organization.
40 Two hats were hanging on a hat rack. One hat said to the other “You stay here, I’ll go on ahead”
41 I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
42 A sign on the wall at a drug rehab centre said:”Keep off the grass”
Puns Galore!
1 A bicycle can’t stand alone – it is two tired.
2 A Will is a dead giveaway.
3 Time flies like an arrow – fruit flies like a banana.
4 A backward poet writes inverse.
5 In a democracy it’s your vote that counts – in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
6 A chicken crossing the road – poultry in motion.
7 If you don’t pay your exorcist – you can get repossessed.
8 With her marriage she got a new name and a dress,
9 Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
10 When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
11 The man who fell on the upholstery machine was fully recovered.
12 A grenade which fell on to a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
13 You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
14 Local Area Networtk in Australia – the LAN down under.
15 He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
16 A calendar’s days are numbered.
17 A lot of money is tainted – ‘taint yours and ‘taint mine.
18 A boiled egg is hard to beat.
19 He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
20 A plateau is a high form of flattery.
21 The short fortune teller who escaped from prison – a small medium at large.
22 Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
23 When you’ve seen one shopping centre you’ve seen a mall.
24 If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
25 When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she’d dye.
26 Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
27 Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
28 Acupuncture – a jab well done.
29 Marathon runners with bad shows suffer the agony of de feet.
30 The roundest knight at King Arthur’s table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
31 I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan Iskand, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
32 She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
33 A rubber band pistol was confiscatedfrom an algebra class because it was a weapon of math destruction.
34 The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
35 No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.
36 A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
37 Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
38 A hole has been found in a nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
39 Atheism is a non prophet organization.
40 Two hats were hanging on a hat rack. One hat said to the other “You stay here, I’ll go on ahead”
41 I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
42 A sign on the wall at a drug rehab centre said:”Keep off the grass”
